Good Morning Middle America, welcome to your King of Simple News Network, for all the news, that is news, from around the country. “Mostly” real news, the way it should be told.

WALL STREET has attempted to steal the thunder from the “Atlantic City Diving Horse” by performing a spectacular dive into reality of 367 points. However, Wall Street analysts continue to be bullish, by immediately spreading the material that exits the north end of the south bound bull. This is where the term, “My investment went south,” materialized from.

It was reported that even though U.S. companies may have had a bumpy day on Friday, “they are still sitting on large cash stockpiles — and those with international units are able to take advantage of growth outside the United States.”

Translating that last statement into “Mikeronomic” terms, “Those companies that have canned all of their American workers and hired the Communist Chinese, are making a killing”

In other news, oil has spiked once more to over $90 per barrel. One economist has predicted, “The prices will probably go up at the pump. If this happens, it will cost more to fill your car” Our King of Simple News Network reporter on the ground responded, “Well DUH!”

HOUSING continues to take a pounding as the number of units presently offered for sale equal enough inventory for every man, woman and child in America to have their own individual home. The idea seems to be catching on quick for those raising teenagers.

Alan Greenspan was once more asked what he thought about the housing crises, to which he replied, “Fine, fine, and how are you? Would you like to buy a book?”

The dollar continues to weaken daily against foreign currencies as Bronco Ben Bernanke utilizes the National Guard to assist the folks at the Bureau of Printing and Engraving, by bringing in MRE’s (meals ready to eat), cots, and portable showers so that the workers can continue to print money 24 hours per day without taking a break.

The Guard has also formed a perimeter defense around the building in an effort to detect deserters who continue to try and sneak over to McDonalds.

The additional money being printed will be commandeered by the FHA (Future Homeowners Administration) and given to the teenagers to assist them in purchasing the excess inventory of vacant homes. This move to save housing will be necessary until such time as illegal immigration can catch up with demand.

Stay tuned to the King of Simple News Network for the latest broken news.