Good Morning Middle America, welcome to your King of Simple News Network, for all the news, that is news, from around the country. “Mostly” real news, the way it should be told.

U.S. NEWS: It seems as if just a few months ago headlines appeared similar to the following: “Oil poised to hit $50 per barrel! Life in the U.S. will end promptly after that occurs.” Today I read headlines: “Oil continues to plunge, falling to $84.94 per barrel.” Oh joy.

I also remember (I made myself a note) that gas at the pump went over $3.00 when oil went over $50 bucks. So, if $50 oil equals $3.00 per gallon gas and $90 oil equals $2.85 per gallon gas…imagine how cheap that stuff is going to be when oil hits $100 per barrel!

I’ve been reminded by real economists that I’m not a real economist, a fact that I will remain eternally grateful for, but I was exceptional at third grade math and suspicion that there is a little monkey business connected with the oil business.

In other news, the real estate business seems to heating up in California as fires have ravaged more than 1300 homes and 500,000 people have been evacuated. Orange County Fire Chief Chip Prather said, “It is an absolute fact: Had we had more air resources, we would have been able to control this fire.”

With winds sustained at 60 MPH and visibility at zero, Governor Schwarzenegger ask Chief Chip if he would care to accompany the first flight into the firestorm, to which the Chief quickly responded, “What do think of the Chargers chances at the Super-Bowl this year?”

In Washington, response to the fires seems mixed. Hillary Clinton promised to keep air tankers flying day and night across the nation, once she is elected president, and to give every American family their own fire truck as a bonus to Hillary-Care. FEMA leaders are planning to meet next week to determine just exactly what to do. Rudy Giuliani said, “I have the experience to handle these things; did you get that on film?” Al Gore says, “What did I tell you about global warming?” And, President Bush said, “What fires?”

Stay tuned to the King of Simple News Network for more broken news.