Good Morning Middle America, welcome to your King of Simple News Network, for all the news, that is news, from around the country. “Mostly” real news, the way it should be reported.

U.S. NEWS: “Bronco Ben Bernanke” is expected to saddle up today and corral the pesky downturn in the economy by further slashing interest rates in an effort to allow Middle America to borrow themselves to success. At least until the “08”elections are over.

The theory is that Middle Americans are goners anyway; why not let them serve the government and big business that brought them to this point until the bitter end? Sounds reasonable to me.

Housing continues its woes as everyone in America over age 12 seems to have purchased a new home and now finds their allowance insufficient to make the payments. The Federal Government was absolutely shocked to learn this news and has promised to convene Congress to study the matter after the “08” elections.

In the mean time, stock prices in Countywide Finance have shot up as the giant lender reported losing only $1.2 Billion last quarter. A company spokesperson said, “I think we’ve turned the corner and once we lay off an additional 12,000 employee’s, things will get a lot better for upper management and our friends on Wall Street.”

In other news, the economy logged a brisk 3.9% increase as GDP shot through the ceiling in a showing of robust economic growth. Spending increases and job gains in government seem to be leading the recovery; until after the “08” elections.

In a statement of confidence, a Whitehouse spokesman said, “If we have to hire every unemployed person in the United States to keep this economy humming along, we’re darn sure willing to do just that. Until after the “08” elections.”

Another good sign for the U.S. is that the price of oil has plummeted from the already bargain price of $93 per barrel, to $92.99. Fuel at the pumps is expected to remain level until after the “08″ elections, at which time $92.99 per gallon is not out of the question.

Inflation has also come in very, very low and excluding food, fuel and the cost of new housing, is reported as increasing only 1.8% in the third quarter. The same report indicated that the Federal Government is considering allowing “free homesteading” to American citizens on a portion of its federally held ocean front properties in Kansas.

And finally, the United States has regained its status as the world’s most competitive economy thanks to strong innovation and excellent universities, according to a survey released Wednesday by the World Economic Forum. Climbing 6 places to once again assume the #1 spot is expected to last until just after the “08” elections.

Wake up Middle America, even the quality of the cons are diminishing.