Good Morning Middle America, your King of Simple News is on the air.

U.S. NEWS: Consumer spending and the mood in Congress are both down. The Presidential and Congressional cheerleading team has found it necessary to take up the chant “You ain’t havin’ fun unless you’re shopping.”

The crowd shouted back, “We don’t have any money to shop with!” And the reply was, “Don’t worry, we’ll send you some.” The checks haven’t arrived just yet; but, like Christmas, they’re coming.

Where do you suppose our leaders will get the money to mail out? Maybe Santa Clause gave it to them for Christmas and they are simply spreading the joy. Nah, just kidding, the politicians didn’t get anything for Christmas cause Santa only visits good boys and girls.

The money will actually come from loans made by Japan, Korea, China, India, and any other foreign nations that are interested in collecting interest from. . ., well, from you. So in reality, the government is going to give you your own money and then charge you interest on it.

Ya see, the government doesn’t have any of their own money. They actually have a little debt in the amount of some $62 Trillion and therefore forged your name to the loan papers as a co-signer.

They then sell the loan to whichever foreign nation will come across with the bread and promise that future generations will pay the bill through growth in the economy and inflation. After which, they put the third shift back on the printing press and whip out a car load of new crisp $100 bills.

I sent off for a currency printing press myself but was turned down due to not having a license. When I asked what type of license was required the manufacturer said I needed a license to steal and only Ben Bernanke and the Federal Government have been issued current certificates.

Do you know what happens when the government prints a bunch of money and passes it out? Sure, we have inflation. If they lower interest rates enough and print oodles and gobs of money, we have hyper-inflation. If wages don’t rise to account for the skyrocketing increase in prices we have stagflation. And I’m betting on the latter.

If we use Mikemathics and Mikeronomics to explain the supposedly impossible economic condition called stagflation, it would be that “your wages don’t rise as quickly as the prices of necessary goods and services.”

“Well heck,” I hear you say, “We already have that stagflation thing at my house.” Yes you do, and whole lot more is coming to a neighborhood near you real soon. Along with more unemployment and underemployment, which compounds the whole darn mess.

But not to worry, your Congress is working hard and will soon mail out the checks that will make everything all better; for about 30 days and then Katie bar the door. Ya see, the President and Congress are symptom solvers, not problem solvers and they have no plan whatsoever for the next month.

So tell me, what are you going to do with your free money?